Wednesday, December 23, 2009

LOVE who you LOVE

It is currently Christmas break and I am in Okie with the family. Coming home is so heart filling, but this year something has been off and I couldn't quite put a finger on it....that is until yesterday during a coffee date conversation with a friend.

This realization came to me in 3 different forms.

1) I was browsing Real Simple magazine in the dentist's office and came across "What Will You Do Differently in 2010?" It caught my attention so I started to read. Majority of the resolutions were admirable, but there was one in particular that caught my eye and gave me a sense of conviction.....

"I’m going to put my husband first. We each work two jobs and have family, volunteer, and social commitments, so we’re exhausted at the end of the day. He deserves the best of me―not what’s left over after I’m done with everything else."
-Alyssa Rae C. Tillier

2) While reading C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters, came across a passage that again, caught my eye and left me with a sense of conviction...

"The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know" (p. 18).

3) Listening to a CD in my sister's car...a Rascal Flatts song came didn't catch my eye, but it did catch my ear and again, gave me a sense of conviction...

"Love who you love..." -Rascal Flatts

This is what I realized: I put my best self out there for the world to see, and leave what's left, the scraps, to the people I love the most. Generally, the scraps aren't very good. Example: After I'm done at internship listening to everyone's problems with an eager, empathetic heart, I come home and have an attitude of "I don't want to care about anyone right now". My mom calls to ask how my day was and I am short, pissy, and not a very loving person to her in return. Why do I give my best to strangers/casual acquaintances and give my worst to the people in my life I truly love, like my mother for example? Why do I do this? Maybe I realize that my family and closest friends will always be there? Whatever it is, I don't like it. In light of the new year, my new years resolution is not to "start a blog and keep up with it" but to "love who you love" and give my best to the bests in my life. God. Family. Friends. These are my core. They deserve the best of me, not what's left....

Shedding light on my weakness.

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