Wednesday, December 23, 2009

LOVE who you LOVE

It is currently Christmas break and I am in Okie with the family. Coming home is so heart filling, but this year something has been off and I couldn't quite put a finger on it....that is until yesterday during a coffee date conversation with a friend.

This realization came to me in 3 different forms.

1) I was browsing Real Simple magazine in the dentist's office and came across "What Will You Do Differently in 2010?" It caught my attention so I started to read. Majority of the resolutions were admirable, but there was one in particular that caught my eye and gave me a sense of conviction.....

"I’m going to put my husband first. We each work two jobs and have family, volunteer, and social commitments, so we’re exhausted at the end of the day. He deserves the best of me―not what’s left over after I’m done with everything else."
-Alyssa Rae C. Tillier

2) While reading C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters, came across a passage that again, caught my eye and left me with a sense of conviction...

"The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know" (p. 18).

3) Listening to a CD in my sister's car...a Rascal Flatts song came didn't catch my eye, but it did catch my ear and again, gave me a sense of conviction...

"Love who you love..." -Rascal Flatts

This is what I realized: I put my best self out there for the world to see, and leave what's left, the scraps, to the people I love the most. Generally, the scraps aren't very good. Example: After I'm done at internship listening to everyone's problems with an eager, empathetic heart, I come home and have an attitude of "I don't want to care about anyone right now". My mom calls to ask how my day was and I am short, pissy, and not a very loving person to her in return. Why do I give my best to strangers/casual acquaintances and give my worst to the people in my life I truly love, like my mother for example? Why do I do this? Maybe I realize that my family and closest friends will always be there? Whatever it is, I don't like it. In light of the new year, my new years resolution is not to "start a blog and keep up with it" but to "love who you love" and give my best to the bests in my life. God. Family. Friends. These are my core. They deserve the best of me, not what's left....

Shedding light on my weakness.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

entertaining angels

Call me crazy, but I have had this weird fascination with the Lord's angels lately.
I want to see one, be near one, interact with one. They are such a mystery to me...another being besides human...a being intimately connected with the Lord...a being with WINGS! Throughout scripture they are depicted as messengers, worshipers, and guardians...strong and powerful through and through. I am absolutely fascinated.
If we acknowledge God's name, He commands his angels to guard us: Psalm 91:9-12

People we randomly run into could be angels: Hebrews 13:1-2

Throughout scripture, angels always seem to be on a mission; they always have a purpose. Their presence of purpose could not have just stopped. What are they up to today? Where are they? What are they doing?

I am intrigued by these angels. Absolutely intrigued.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Thursday, September 10, 2009

hey visitor

Since summer classes ended and my second summer break began, I have had a few friends come into town for a little weekend visit. It has been fun getting to tour Denver with them, seeing that I am new to the city too.

Jessica/the sister came over Labor Day weekend. I equate "time with my sister" to "napping" - both are extremely relaxing and refreshing. I cried when I picked her up from the airport, cried when I dropped her off, and laughed A TON in between. I love my sister.

SHLEY! Ashley came into town and pretty sure I laughed the entire time. This girl makes my heart happy. Good to have someone in town that really knows me.

Meet Chris. He is one of my best friends from high school. We have KNOWN each other since 2nd grade, but his only memory of me was how I made milk come out of my nose one day during lunch. I WAS a BIZARRE kid.
Activities: We went to Red Rocks, some factory (te-he), moseyed around Boulder, hopped on a PediCab and participated in Tour de Fat (bike parade - people dress crazy - 2nd favorite memory made in Denver so far), ate at Bump-and-Grind (waiters dress like drag queens & act rude), napped, watched tennish ha, hung out with my friends in Denver, aaaannnndddd....a lot of other random things. When you are with Chris, you never know what is going to happen next...

Time with Caliece is always filled with good conversation, full of vulnerability and vision. We used to meet once a week to talk about life; I miss those mornings with her. Good times.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

a hard yet beautiful emotion

MISSING WACO: I love this new chapter, don't get me wrong. However, there is a huge part of me that is still in Waco, Texas. There are so many people I love & so many memories made in that city. I am still connected to the past, longing for it to be my present. Why can't I be like Hannah Montana and have the best of both worlds? ;)
MISSING PEOPLE: It is a hard emotion, but it's also a beautiful emotion, for it proves you have connected with someone to the point of wanting more. To me, this lack of contentment is okay, for the longing of another is one of the most beautiful longings you can have. We are wired to be relational. It is not good for man to be alone. We are lovers of people to the core.

Currently trying to finding contentment in my lack of contentment. Confusing concept...yup.

In essense, thankful I have people I miss...

Monday, August 17, 2009

so glad my friends are here.


It is an entire different Denver as of Thursday evening. Everyone from kamp is back in the city

and it has been a nonstop party. Now I remember why I moved here...LOVIN it.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

clean V unclean

I am nervous to post about this because I do not know if I am taking the Scripture out of context. So before you read, know that I am not a scholar of the bible. I am simply a reader and a responder. So here is what I read and here is my response.

In light of the topics I have been learning in school (race, homosexuality and transgender issues, religion, etc) there are a number of people in this world we tend to keep at a arms distance. They are wrong. We are right. They are dirty. We are clean. Whether it is conscious or not, we all have a bias against different traditions, cultures, values, and beliefs. What does God say?

Well in Acts, there is a Jew by the name of Peter who approaches a group of Gentiles and says, "You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with Gentiles or visit them. But God has shown me that I should not call anyone impure or unclean. So when I was sent for, I came without raising any objection." Acts 10:27-29

It is not our duty to label someone impure or unclean. Yes they may live a different lifestyle than us, but that does not mean we can decide who is IN and who is OUT. That is not our role.

Later on in Acts 10, "Peter began to speak: 'I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts those from every nation who fear him and do what is right.'" Acts 10:34

So, God does now show favortism. It does not matter where you are from or the color of your skin, as long as you fear God and do what is right.

AV thought: What does "do what is right" mean? I do something wrong everyday. Does that mean I am out? Hmm. We are so quick to judge others that we forget to judge ourselves...

so many thoughts....

Sunday, August 2, 2009

learning tons, carrying tons

I have been learning a lot about culture & diversity lately; not just in my academic life, but in my spiritual and personal life as well. I have experienced more emotion in the past month than I have in several years. Emotions of anger, sadness, guilt, and desires to make a change and take action. My eyes have been opened to issues of power, privilege, racism, oppression, discrimination, and other situations that are hard to swallow. I used to think I had really thick skin, but apparently there are still some things that can shock me and move me to tears.

I am thankful for these realizations though. I am becoming more in tune with reality, which is SO good. However, when one is in tune with reality, one starts to carry its burden; which is what I have been doing. I have been feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders for the past month, which is not exactly healthy. However if I let it go, I'm afraid I will let go of everything I have learned. I do not want to forget this stuff. I do not want to go back to the thoughts and ideas I used to have. Yes, being in this position of knowing what's real and true is hard, but I would rather know the truth than be in a bubble of bliss that is not in all in tune with reality.

I must say, carrying this burden is exhausting. Yes, I want to change the world but I cannot do it single handedly. We all have a sphere of influence and I commit to doing what I can to impact that sphere. Knowing that takes a lot of the weight off of my shoulders. However, there is still weight to be carried.

Jesus said,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

I need to realize I cannot save the world on my own. I need God. I need His strength and His power. I need his encouragement and his hope. I need to know He is in control. I need His bird's eye perspective. I need to understand that this world is messed up which is why we need a Savior in the first place. I need God. I need God. I NEED GOD!!! I will not get through this career, or better yet, this life, without Him. He is my sanity.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you with my loving eye on you" Psalm 32:8

Jesus, thank you for showing me the way. Thank you for trusting me enough to place the cry of those in need on my heart. Help me to let go of these burdens and give them to you. Thanks for being with me of this journey. Let's do this...

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Denver = my new home

Welcome to my crib in Denver, Colorado! I cannot believe I actually live here! So I have been here for about three weeks or so now. My mom road tripped with me from OK to help me move in; so thankful for that. Since I dropped her off at the airport and said goodbye, school has started, papers have been due, and I am an official grad student. Even though the course load is demanding, I love it. Social Work is what I want to do, so I REALLY want to learn this stuff. I am currently at Kaladi Coffee, a coffee shop near campus. The baristas are complimenting an older adult's new hair cut and making her feel like a rockstar. She is eating it up. Anywho, I am loving Denver. I must say, having a roommate here is SUCH a blessing; I would be crazy lonely without her. People make life more fun, I am convinced. In addition to Rachel, my roommate, I have a few friends from high school, Baylor, and Kamp. So, I am quite thankful for these connections and relationships here in Denver. They are making this transition 100 times easier :)

Monday, June 29, 2009

Lesson from a Wedding

I learned something this weekend: Marriage is a BIG DEAL. It is not just "hey you're cute let's get married". It is a promise. It is forever.
This weekend my best friend Taylor got married. For the past four years I have seen her and Browning's relationship bloom and it has been a beautiful thing to witness. These two did it right. I have always said I wanted to somehow mirror their relationship for they were about other people and not just themselves. During the rehearsal dinner, people were praising God for such great friends and admiring their character and impact towards others. It was a night of praise and celebration. During all the toasts, I had some thoughts...
In the past I have thrown the idea of marriage around as if it were a toy. (typical Baylor) It was FUN to think about marrying someone. It was FUN to talk about it. In theory, I took this relationship seriously; but in reality I did not realize how one's life changes once they say "I do." I am thankful for this realization. I am now aware of the seriousness of this commitment. It is a BIG DEAL....and with the right person, an GOOD DEAL ;)

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of the others. Philippians 2: 1-4

Thursday, May 7, 2009

dr. seuss still applys

It is finals week.

Senior year.

I graduate in 9 days.

Is this really reality?

I cannot believe it.

I am in denial.
In my denial I shall go back to the Dr. Seuss days and post a rhyme...

"How did it get so late so soon?
Its night before its afternoon.
December is here before its June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon? "

To answer you question, Dr. Seuss...I have no idea? "boo hoo" - my heart is sad.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I Know Where I'm Going

During my Senior year in high school after I decided I was going to Baylor, the University sent me a t-shirt that said "I Know Where I'm Going" - They send that t-shirt to the entire incoming freshman class...I have no idea where I placed that shirt

All that to say, four year later, "I Know Where I'm Going" again....

I am going to the University of Denver to get my Masters in Social Work!

I am glad I finally made a decision. I am excited, but still a little torn. Knowing I had a chance to stay in Waco, yet consciously made a decision to leave, makes me feel a little guilty. I would never want to leave the people here. However, I am confident in my decision and am excited to be stretched professionally...and be in Colorado :)

I know where I am going and it feels SOoO good.....

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

wisdom from a Starbucks cup

as a person who is hesitant when it comes to committment, I needed to hear this...

"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life."

- Anne Morriss, a Starbucks customer

Friday, April 3, 2009


Dear Denver,
I came to you on a plane, expecting to feel at home right away...and I was right. The sunset in combination with the mountains welcomed me with open arms. The familiarity of the airport reminded me of the time when I was a kamper...heading to Kanakuk Colorado...

Dear Denver,
I went to the University of Denver today, to attend the School of Social Work program geared toward admitted students. I thought I would know the minute I walked onto the campus, which University I was supposed to choose. I was wrong. I was intimidated, fearful, and torn.

Dear Waco,
You have become home. How do I say no to home? How do I say no to people who have become my family? This decision has become a lot harder than I thought...

Dear Denver,
During the program, a panel of current students were talking. I asked them, "Why DU?" Their answers brought peace. When I took the tour of the building, their focus of clinical social work seemed to match my interests exactly...this too brought peace. Is this the place I am supposed to be?

Dear God,
I need You...I need clarity......

Monday, March 16, 2009

i'm on a boat - spring break 09

How can I describe spring break? It was UNREAL. I have not been that relaxed, had that much fun, and felt so centered in a long time...The pursuit of pleasure...The pursuit of relationships...The pursuit of peace...I could not have dreamt of a better time...I am thankful :)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

SING 2009 and Graduate School

Saturday night. Last moment to ever be on stage. I screamed when I hit our final pose. It felt so good to give it my all and to soak in that last performance.

We made PIGSKIN! We yelled so loud and hard, as if we didn't think we would make it (which was a definite possibility ha.) I am so thankful. I feel okay leaving ChiO now, knowing the future is bright. The talk of the campus is, "How in the heck did Pi Phi not make Pigskin?" Oh SING drama...

In addition to getting into Pigskin, found out this Wednesday that I got into grad school at the University of Denver. I am going to go visit in early April with my parents. Waco V Denver. Where will I be? I have a decision to make! At least I have options...

The unknown is exciting!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Prank Gone Bad

This Friday night Jenne and I were feeling random, as usual, and decided to stop by Aaron and Anthony's house.

When we got there, we saw a TON of cars. They had a party and didn't invite us!? Rude. So we decided (well actually I decided) that it would be a fun idea to bang on the front door and run. So we did.


No one answered.

So, we walked around the entire house and banged on every single window. We were really obnoxious and loud.

No one answered.

Maybe they aren't home?

As we were standing by the front door deciding what to do next the front door opens, "What the heck are you doing!?"

I immediately sprinted to the back of the house to hide. I circled around until I could see who the person was. The first thing I saw was Jenne, squatting in the grass like a lawn gnome. The second thing I see is a bunch of people we do not know gathered on the front porch of this house.

"Aw it is just a bunch of girls!!!!!!"

These people were terrified. For all they knew, we were some gangster people trying to break in.

" I am sooooo sorry we thought this was someone else's house. I am sooo sorry!!!"

We scared the crap out those people. I still cannot believe that actually happened. so funny.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Peeing In Public

Funny story of the night:

The fam is in town.
We go out to eat.
Nice restaurant.
Great food.
Great conversation.
I need to go to the restroom.

I'm on the toilet.
A woman walks in.

woman: "Are you as full as I am?"
me: "Are you talking to me?"
woman: "Ya!"
me: "Well, actually I'm not too full...comfortable though. Are you full?"
woman: "Oh my God yes. I am stuffed!"

I get out of the stall and see this middle aged blonde chick. She is pretty and super friendly. I am just going along with her conversation and chatting it up. As I start to wash my hands, this lady out of no where pulls down her pants and starts going to the bathroom....right in front of me...door wide open...oh and our conversation is still going...

This is normal?

Do I look at her...Do I talk to her...errr...HELP! WHAT DO I DO?!? I just tried to ignore the fact that a complete stranger was peeing right in front of me. After a few more words we bid our farewells and I walked out dying with laughter...

Talk about challenging your social norms...

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Chi Omega Slideshow

This link I am posting is a video that summarizes my 4 years at Baylor.

I pledged Chi Omega in the Spring of 2006 and met the greatest girls ever. For your entertainment...Seniors 09. Click and Cry.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

You know you go to Baylor when...

You know you go to Baylor when...

1) You have had 4 candle passings since Christmas Break.

2) SING practice is later on Wednesdays so you can go to church.

3) A professor cancels class to lead a revival.

I'll add 'em when I see 'em. That's all I have for now.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Cookie Monster

Spring semester starts tomorrow. Last semester of school! A good group of us decided to celebrate our last night of Christmas break by going to see Bride Wars. Danielle LOVED the movie, you should ask her about it. Ha. Direct quote from Danielle - "This movie sucks." Haha. I love my friends.

Afterwards, Ashley and I go to Cheddars to get their famous Cookie Monster. When we sit down our waiter comes and this is when my little story starts. Our waiter looked at me, got really excited, and went in for the hug. I have no idea who the guy is? He said some things about how happy he was to see me, how it has been so long, etc. Again, I have no idea who the guy is...but I hugged him anyway and went along with it. Ashley thought this was the funniest thing ever and proceeded to laugh hysterically. He comes back with our water and I ask him how we know eachother. He said we had Journalism together. I have never taken Journalism. I mean, he did look familiar, but I had no idea what he was talking about. It was so funny. He sat down in the booth with me and just proceeded to chat it up. He was the nicest guy ever, but I just couldn't figure out whether he was joking or not?

After everything, the Cookie Monster was on the house. FREE! A little awkward, but who cares, it was FREE! What a guy...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

i just want to be alone...

I just want to be alone.

However, I am never alone.

I just want my own space.

However, I share a room, so I do not have my own space.

The number one thing I want and crave is not attainable. I am going crazy inside.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I guess I'm a prostitute?

When: Sunday afternoon
Where: Starbucks
Who: Jessica, Sydni, Julian, Andrea (me)
What: An awkward moment

The four of us are sitting down drinking our coffee when a man approaches us:

"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude but the clothes that you are wearing are evil in the sight of the Lord. It is very prostitute like and provokes men..."

He went on but Julian interrupted him, "Okay...Bye...Bye...Bye..."

First of all, it was a cold day (for Oklahoma) so we are all bundled up in coats, scarves, etc. I was wearing a turtle neck. I don't get it. Maybe it was the skinny jeans?

I guess I need to start wearing gencos.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

a new year to remember...

Tiffany calls me around 10:00 am on New Years Eve. I do not answer because I am still asleep. I then get a text message...I guess I can read that...The message was from Tiff and it said, "Call me immediately!"

So I call her, not knowing what to expect. She answers and asks if I would want to go camping instead of going downtown for New Years. Some of our guy friends were passing through Edmond and were setting up camp in Jasper, Arkansas. If we wanted to get there @ a decent time, we needed to leave fairly soon. I immediately said YES. It sounded so fun.

Jess and I met at Tiffany's around 3. We picked up Jen in Tulsa and headed toward Arkansas. Tiffany was a baller navigator with her atlas. The whole way there I was dreading the cold. It was around 30 degrees that night and I did not pack enough to be warm. I was prepared to be miserable.

We meet the boys in Jasper, and we headed towards our camp site.

The stars were beautiful. The trees were numerous. The moon was smiling. The company was great. The outline of the mountains was visible. I was excited to see what was around us in the daylight.

We hung out by the campfire, made jiffy popcorn & smores, and played The Best of 2008. We welcomed in the new year with a countdown. Typically you are surrounded by chaos and noise during New Years, but tonight it was just the sounds of the fire, the wind, and our conversation.

We had a heat warmer in the tent. Jen caught it on fire. Fumes of plastic filled the tent. We all died. Not really. But the fire really did happen.

7 in one tent + the generous donations of clothing from Jess made for a much warmer night than I expected.

I woke up on top of Justin's pillow. Oops. Sorry Justin. I went back to sleep. Woke up. Jen and I were the only ones still sleeping. We get up and the boys are making us breakfast: breakfast burritos. My favorite :)

We eat, get in our hiking/rock climbing gear, and drive to our destination...

So we are hiking, rock climbing, and enjoying the day. That is until Jess got hurt..........................
Jess was just messing around and climbing some rocks when she slipped and fell an estimated 20 feet and broke her leg. We called 911, called her parents, and tried our best to handle the situation. We were in the middle of nowhere so it took some time for the search and rescue team to find us. Jess was in so much pain. In order to distract herself from her leg, she started talking about all the good things in this world. Her true colors were shining more than ever. She is such a beautiful soul. They put her on a stretcher, gave her some morphine, & took her to the hospital. Her leg made an S shape and it was covered in shades of blue and grey. The doctor confirmed that she did brake her leg, both her tib and fib. There were many more details to this event that I don't want to actually type out. But it was a long day to say the least. We decided to drive home that night instead of sleeping in the cold again....Back to Oklahoma we went...I will not ever forget this New Years. It was so good to be in the mountains; I felt so relaxed and free. In addition to seeing my friend in such extreme pain; it was hard to watch. It was a bittersweet beginning to 2009. What's next?